


Free the Elves

by RJLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Wicked - Schwartz/Holzman
Genre: Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Broadway, Filk, Freedom, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Hogwarts Fourth Year, House Elves, Humor, Parody, S.P.E.W., Song Lyrics, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 05:31:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2456546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJLupin/pseuds/RJLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione knows she knows exactly what the house elves less fortunate than her need... Freedom! A song filk to "Popular" from the musical Wicked.</p><p>We're going to free the elves<br/>It's S.P.E.W.<br/>So don't call it "spew"<br/>It's the only thing that'd fit</p>
            </blockquote>





	Free the Elves

**Author's Note:**

> "Free the Elves" filked to "Popular" from the musical Wicked. Originally filked June 2005.

**HERMIONE:**  
Now once I found out house-elves  
They clean and cook our food  
It angered me, and then I  
Just had to go and brood  
Because I think this is all so rude  
Then I knew I must do what I can  
So I invented this new plan  
And fin'lly now, something at last's began  
I mean, this isn't fair!  
There is no justice for elves anywhere  
But I'm here  
And for those house-elves I care  
I will be there  
And since we could  
Then we should...  
  
Free the elves!  
I think we should free the elves  
Oh I can just see it now  
That one day, somehow  
They will bow and take their leave- wow!  
And then they'll have no more strife  
Live a happy life  
They will love it being free  
  
Once we free the elves  
We're going to free the elves  
It's S-P-E-W  
So don't call it "spew"  
It's the only thing that'd fit  
But that's fine  
Because we've so much to do to stop it  
  
Don't you think house-elves all deserve their common rights?  
After all, they're enslaved by their master day and night  
They deserve wages, holidays, pensions, a  
Sick leave and a resting  
We must keep protesting  
So they're okay or   
  
Free the elves!  
Better yet, just free the elves  
'Cause if they could free themselves  
Things would all be well  
And I'd not have to do all this- One coin?  
So let's all work together  
Give those elves forever bliss - Join!  
  
Elfish  
Welfare!  
We gotta get them proper care!  
  
When you see your fire's lit or  
You've a clean comfy chair to sit  
Don't you ever wonder why that is?  
It's because  
House-elves all have slaved away  
So you can have a nice night and day  
But are those elves satisfied?  
Oh, please, don't lie  
  
They are miserable!  
Yes, and we need to free those elves  
Can't you tell they're very sad  
From the lives they've had  
And we need to make a change  
So stop staring like you think  
It's strange!  
  
 _(spoken to Neville, as she comes across him)_  
You do realize that house-elves cook your meals, clean the Gryffindor common room, light fires, and so much more without being seen, and yet they have no rights and aren't paid?

  
 **NEVILLE:**  (spoken)  
Okay, okay, I'll buy a badge and join! Look, I'm even wearing it. Now, I, um, have to go... and write that one paper... for, er, Transfiguration. Yeah, uh, in the library. Bye!  
  
 _(He runs off)_  
  
 **HERMIONE:**  (spoken)  
Thank you!  
  
(sings)  
Though you all suggest  
That I'm too obsessed  
And I should let it rest  
It's never gonna end, not  
Until I can depend they're dressed!  
  
Elfish  
Welfare!  
Those elves will be free  
And then  
You can owe it all to me!


End file.
